ODSP and CPP – desperate for financial aide

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#Confuseless aka Confused and Useless

This explains the last month or so exactly. I have been SO very fatigued lately, even worse than usual. Like wading through mud or walking underwater but with heavy weights on my feet. Some days I'm weak as a newborn kitten with just as much balance. I'm sure it's GOT to be the extra stress due to finances. We've been served an eviction notice and were told to get out by Mar 30th, 2012. We've been late with rent every month for the last year, never able to catch up. Hubby's work hours have been cut back and there just isn't enough to cover everything anymore. But I have every hope that welfare or one of the non-profit Durham Region social services companies will be able to help us and even advocate for us with the property management company that owns these apartment buildings.

I wish someone could make the assholes stop harassing us by threatening to throw us out every month. While I know it's automated paperwork by head office, it doesn't make it any easier. We've been completely open and transparent with our financial situation and have communicated weekly with the prop mngt company. They've been very understanding and know we are doing our best. I have every reason to believe we won't be evicted and things will be just fine. But tell that to my mind and body! I'm holding all that stress in like a gigantic knot of nerves that just gets bigger and bigger, more and more painful. We still get those hateful letters threatening to evict us every other month. Charging us $170 every time they file with the courts. Makes me feel like the company gets rich and fat on our misery, just like the bank does when they charge us a jaw dropping $42 per bounced loan payment, etc. I just hate it. If we could afford to move the hell out of here we'd be gone faster than a fart.

Hubby is going to file for bankruptcy just to get rid of that car loan payment we consolidated with some bills a few years ago. Bankruptcy costs about the same as the car loan, except it's for 8 months instead of 3 more years etc. Hubby owes Revenue Canada some 7k because when he was on disability through his work, he DID NOT KNOW they don't take off taxes. So every year since they keep taking money off his yearly return. Getting out from under all that would be a huge relief for him. I already filed for bankruptcy in 2010. Our credit is so screwed at this point it hardly matters lol!

I've begun the process of applying for Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP). Since welfare turned us down (hubby makes too much money), this is the only other option. I had intended to apply for ODSP anyway, but we were in immediate need for help through Ontario Works (welfare). I'm going to try welfare one more time now that we have an official eviction notice with a date. I have an appointment this Friday morning to find out if they can help. 

Oh yeah, when asked why I didn't apply for ODSP or CPP disability before now? I honestly thought I could get well enough to go back to work. I admit being in total denial that this is now my life. That I probably will never get any better than I am now. And that my hubby will have to look after me for the rest of my life. I feel like such a freaking burden. It's just the most awful feeling when you can't do even the most simple things anymore without help. Like get dressed, do the dishes, get some laundry done. I can't even do those things anymore without help. I am very thankful that ODSP will be able to help me if/when I need a wheelchair or other mobility equipment and I was thrilled to hear that my CPAP machine supplies (hose, nosepads) will be covered with them. 

Pain wise, my entire upper body is just in agony nearly 24/7 now. I'd say my pain level is at a constant 6-7 lately. My emotional stamina is waning very thin at this point. If you've been following my blog here, you may have noticed that despite my pain, fatigue and financial difficulties, I've remained pretty positive. Yes, I've been depressed (with medication for it), but I thought I was doing ok. Not so true anymore. The unending burden of pain that never goes away is really getting me down. I just want to sit and cry but I know if I start I won't stop. So there have been more pity party days than usual of late. Thankfully I can usually shake it most days because I am inevitably too tired to focus or function and go for a nap – feel better when I wake up. At least for a while lol.

The Nucynta does help, but like every other controlled release pain reliever I have tried over the last year or so never, ever lasts as long as it should. If I have pain flares, I take more than I'm supposed to because nothing else works and I have nothing for that breakthrough pain. So I end up being 2-3 days short on the medication. I am sincerely NOT concerned about abusing the drug, I simply can't seem to get the pain relief I need. Honestly, I don't know what else we can try after this. I refuse to take Oxycontin and besides, it's been taken off the market in Ontario. In a month or so you won't be able to buy it anywhere in the Province. So, maybe Morphine? Ask about pain patches? I don't know and my doctor isn't a pain specialist. 

I do have a worksheet to fill out for the pain specialist referral, so I best get on that and fill it out. I've got the ODSP forms to do, one for my doctor. And I need to make 2 separate appointments with my family doctor to complete the CPP disability application. Either way funds will be retroactive to the date the ODSP form was received completed and I hear CPP can be retroactive for 14 months or so? I guess we'll find out.

So wish me luck for Friday mkay? I'm so going to need it. We've GOT to get close to 2k to get caught up with rent at this point. There are local eviction prevention programs where funds are available to help out short-term. So I'm thinking one way or another I'll manage to get this done. My ODSP worker tells me the lump sum I get retroactive would help to pay off the rent we owe, too. IF the property mngt company lets us hang around until then. Here's hoping.


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  1. I wish you the best of luck with everything, I’m in the same boat as you kinda. Homeless, jobless and affected by a serious mental health issue. I keep fooling myself that one day I will be able to just get up and go out and job search but the anxiety is to overwhelming so I’m going to apply for ODSP.

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